words stop short as the lies grow stronger

part of me knows it happened but part of me just wants to cover it up and ignore it. part of me always knew what happened but the other part tried to forget. deceived. manipulated. lied to. more lies than i could see. why. is this for real? is this the truth now? ..life can't rewind.

i set my clocks early cuz i know i'm always late

114 days.

(photo by gilderic)

and as i start to run, i stop to breathe

i love rediscovering old music. i love singing at the top of my lungs. i love awesome acoustic songs. love music that takes you back to a happy memory. lyrics that make so much sense. lyrics that make you think. chill music. intense music. new music. music for a good mood. music for a long drive. getting lost in a song. singing and not caring. not caring what it sounds like or who's listening. singing for praise, worship. singing loud with the voice God gave you. songs you can't not sing to, the ones you sing even with headphones in. music is a pretty amazing thing.


: and i'll be here by the ocean just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams. all my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes, and every wave drags me to sea. i could stand here for hours just to ask God the question, is everyone here make believe? with a tear in His voice He said, son that's the question, does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me..

(you be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground,
i'll be the wings that keep your heart in the clouds)
-mayday parade.

so let me think of how to word it

Sometimes I do this thing where I mentally write letters to people. And they say all the things I want that person to know but would probably never say out loud. I do it a lot actually. Sometimes it's stuff I wouldn't share because it's not exactly positive, or unnecessary drama. Yet still things I wish I could say. Other times it's subtle ways people make me happy or influence my life. In my head I convince myself that I may actually tell people what I've written in these mental letters. But to be honest it's unlikely. Which is kind of sad. It's the kind of thing that I would try to say but the words would get lost coming out of my mouth. Like there's some weird filter between my thoughts and my speech that prevents it from coming out the way I want it to. Things make more sense in my head.

too bright to see, too loud to hear

czechczechczechczechczech!!!! I am so excited about this. For a million reasons. I've never been on a missions trip. I've never been out of the country. I will be on another continent during the fair. All good things. Sad that I'll only get to lease Freedom through June. But I'm alright with it. I can't wait for this adventure.

proverbs 3:5-6

trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
seek his will in all you do,
and he will direct your paths.

it's cold in the shade, let's move to the sun

I feel like I got jipped out of winter this year. I like spring and everything, but I would really appreciate a few more snowboarding trips.