2009. long distance. dancing all night. i'm still taller? getting lost. beautiful weddings. blind optimism. an unlikely match. high expectations. came crashing down. lies secrets & death stares. scars. finally being able to let go. remembering who my real friends are. gettin kinda crazy. being free. knowing what i want. shuttertheraphy.
2009. you threw some curveballs, that's for darn sure. you taught me things i'll never forget. and in the end you showed be right where i'm supposed to be.
so here's to leaving 2009 in the rearview mirror..
12.31.2009
12.30.2009
12.29.2009
they'll chew you up, they'll spit you out
you killed it.
you required it.
you graded it.
you criticized it.
and now its dead.
if i don't want to use sound devices
i won't.
if it only makes sense to me
don't push it.
i thought the whole point
was that there are
no rules?
it is what you want it to be?
stop analyzing.
you required it.
you graded it.
you criticized it.
and now its dead.
if i don't want to use sound devices
i won't.
if it only makes sense to me
don't push it.
i thought the whole point
was that there are
no rules?
it is what you want it to be?
stop analyzing.
12.26.2009
one more reason i should never have met you
Words I couldn't say. I don't miss us, I'm so much happier without you. I can't believe I was blind for so long. Why can't I cut you out of my life completely. You only make me angry. Frustrated. Honestly? I don't want to be friends, you should know this by now. Maybe we could have been if you were really the person I thought you were. How could I be friends with someone who repeatedly lied after you swore you never hide anything. Broke promises. A hypocrite that threw all your morals out the window. I still laugh at the irony of it all. Who would've thought it would ever come to this. You always wanted it more than I did so I gotta wonder if you miss the way things used to be. That bugs me, every conversation we have now is so superficial, don't you think I notice that? I wish I could know what you're really thinking without actually having to talk about it. I wish I knew what's real but I can't trust you anymore. DONE. GONE.
turn the page.
turn the page.
12.23.2009
12.21.2009
12.20.2009
lights out, i still hear the rain
I've wanted to learn how to play guitar for soooo long. So naturally the day I finally get a guitar is also the day I break my wrist. Awesome. I keep hearing songs that I want to learn to play. Before I got this ginormous cast I learned a few chords, and hopefully when I get the smaller one I'll be able to strum a little. Until then I'm practicing silent chord changes and feeling pathetic.
12.19.2009
baby seasons change but people don't
tonight you reaffirmed something i discovered a long time ago: you will never change.
and i'm done trying to believe that you will.
and i'm done trying to believe that you will.
i love christmas.
It's that feeling of finally finding that perfect present for someone. Being willing to spend all your money, but not a penny of it on yourself. Having nothing to eat but cookies. Christmas lights, the good and the bad. I love it all. December is my favorite.
12.15.2009
12.14.2009
art is the cure
they alwaas ask you to rate your pain. i always wondered what a 10 would feel like. lets just say now i know.
the intensity of the fall is soo lame compared to what it caused.
typing onme handed lefty sucks. good thing i gtta write a 4 page paper..
the intensity of the fall is soo lame compared to what it caused.
typing onme handed lefty sucks. good thing i gtta write a 4 page paper..
12.13.2009
12.10.2009
12.09.2009
all this time, been reaching out blindly
Friends is probably my favorite TV show. There's this one episode where Joey tells Phoebe that there is no such thing as a selfless good deed. Because every good deed makes the do-gooder feel good about doing it, therefore they are benefiting themselves. His argument is that doing a good deed is always a little bit selfish, because people like to feel good about doing the right thing. And the show's really funny because Phoebe tries so hard to prove him wrong, and every time something happens to prove him right.
There was this whole big deal about how a senior from our school befriended a freshman with autism and changed his life. The kid would sit alone at lunch everyday, until the senior decided to sit by him. It really is a freaking awesome story. The 2 kids were even on TV for it and they showed it today during class. And the ladies interviewing them were like, "wow, you're so amazing, so inspirational," just piling on all these compliments. And he's just sitting there awkwardly, like"...uh thanks?" I mean what are you supposed to say? Doing something for someone else should never be about the kind of response you're gonna get. And you could tell that's how he felt. He really was friends with the freshman kid. It wasn't some kind of superficial stunt to look like a nice guy.
I'm just saying that doing something like being a friend to someone who needs a friend shouldn't be so over-glorified. It's awesome to share the story. It's a great story, it was a great thing to do. But it's something everyone should do.
The moral of the story is: make someone's day without them needing to make yours back.
There was this whole big deal about how a senior from our school befriended a freshman with autism and changed his life. The kid would sit alone at lunch everyday, until the senior decided to sit by him. It really is a freaking awesome story. The 2 kids were even on TV for it and they showed it today during class. And the ladies interviewing them were like, "wow, you're so amazing, so inspirational," just piling on all these compliments. And he's just sitting there awkwardly, like"...uh thanks?" I mean what are you supposed to say? Doing something for someone else should never be about the kind of response you're gonna get. And you could tell that's how he felt. He really was friends with the freshman kid. It wasn't some kind of superficial stunt to look like a nice guy.
I'm just saying that doing something like being a friend to someone who needs a friend shouldn't be so over-glorified. It's awesome to share the story. It's a great story, it was a great thing to do. But it's something everyone should do.
The moral of the story is: make someone's day without them needing to make yours back.
12.08.2009
art is my life, dont mess
I am so sick of people who think art is just a blow off, something easy, a waste of time, whatever. Like anything in life, you're gonna get out of it what you put into it. If you just blow it off, sure it'll be easy, and likely it will also be crappy and meaningless. Art isn't about being measured. It's not about how long it took you to make something. My sister's taking this art history class or something, and they had to make some group project that involved ripping up a lot of paper. She was complaining that she spent the whole class ripping up paper and "wow what a waste of time." Yeah, you're right, figuring out useless math problems or listening to some teacher lecture about something you're gonna forget the next day is SO much more productive. Art is never a waste of time. Even if it seems tedious at times. Be patient. Remember why you're doing what you're doing. And maybe in my sister's case, maybe she was wasting her time. She doesn't get it. Doesn't get what art really is. Because like so many other people she can't get over the obsession with measuring time and standards. I hate how life always has to be so darn structured. It traps people. No one knows how to get out anymore.
I remember one time last year in physics. My friends and I were talking about how any math past the basics is pretty much useless to most people. I mean really, who has ever used calculus in an everyday situation? So later my teacher pulled me aside and asked if I really meant what I said about math past 7th grade or so being useless. She argued that it's not useless because it teaches you problem solving. So it doesn't matter if you know how to use calculus, it's learning how to work the problems that is actually useful. Alright Mrs. Scott, sure, but math is so not the only way to learn problem solving. Ever tried observational drawing? Solve the problem of making a 3 dimensional object look realistic on a piece of paper. Sounds easy but when you actually get down to it, there's a heck of a lot of problem solving. Every piece of art ever created involves problem solving. The problem: getting what's in your head out of your head in order to communicate some type of message. I've learned way more problem solving from art than I ever had in math. Math, at least what we learn in school, typically has one right answer. So everyone's learning to solve the problem the same way. No one's thinking outside the box and everything's already been figured out for you. And if you take a different turn somewhere along the way, you're screwed. Completely wrong. Your problem solving skills are different than the teacher's? You interpreted that question in a different way? Screw you, no one cares and you're wrong. Now switch over to art. Unlimited answers. No answers. Answer? What's that? It's whatever you want it to be. Whatever you think it is. Take the question and find a way to look at it that no one else has ever though of. You won't be punished for trying something different or straying from what's already been done. You're not just learning regurgitated equations and memorizing steps to arrive at a predetermined answer.
Art is so overlooked and underestimated. Everyone is too obsessed with standards and measuring and objectivity to ever take it seriously.
I remember one time last year in physics. My friends and I were talking about how any math past the basics is pretty much useless to most people. I mean really, who has ever used calculus in an everyday situation? So later my teacher pulled me aside and asked if I really meant what I said about math past 7th grade or so being useless. She argued that it's not useless because it teaches you problem solving. So it doesn't matter if you know how to use calculus, it's learning how to work the problems that is actually useful. Alright Mrs. Scott, sure, but math is so not the only way to learn problem solving. Ever tried observational drawing? Solve the problem of making a 3 dimensional object look realistic on a piece of paper. Sounds easy but when you actually get down to it, there's a heck of a lot of problem solving. Every piece of art ever created involves problem solving. The problem: getting what's in your head out of your head in order to communicate some type of message. I've learned way more problem solving from art than I ever had in math. Math, at least what we learn in school, typically has one right answer. So everyone's learning to solve the problem the same way. No one's thinking outside the box and everything's already been figured out for you. And if you take a different turn somewhere along the way, you're screwed. Completely wrong. Your problem solving skills are different than the teacher's? You interpreted that question in a different way? Screw you, no one cares and you're wrong. Now switch over to art. Unlimited answers. No answers. Answer? What's that? It's whatever you want it to be. Whatever you think it is. Take the question and find a way to look at it that no one else has ever though of. You won't be punished for trying something different or straying from what's already been done. You're not just learning regurgitated equations and memorizing steps to arrive at a predetermined answer.
Art is so overlooked and underestimated. Everyone is too obsessed with standards and measuring and objectivity to ever take it seriously.
12.07.2009
like white on rice
Really hoping this rice can work some magic on my phone. I don't have any money for a new one.. plus it's annoying to lose all my numbers..
Leaving it in there for one more day. Pleeeeeease work.
Leaving it in there for one more day. Pleeeeeease work.
12.03.2009
12.02.2009
yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery
I don't want everything to be planned out. Calm down. Slow down. Let it happen. I don't know what will happen next week, next year, the next 10 years. Even if we were to sit here and plan it out, it doesn't mean crap. Things change. Live for today. Enjoy today. I don't know and I don't want to know exactly what the rest of my life will look like.
So glad that's over.
So glad that's over.
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