the proof is in the kodak

..actually it's Nikon.

840 pictures in one night.
first of many. i hate going to bed. i just want to edit all these.

but the truth is

I don't know anything about politics. It's frustrating, the whole idea of the system. I feel like people just label themselves "liberal" or "conservative" and then their votes are already decided for whatever issue or whatnot. Like, a person who considers themselves a "liberal" will go and take the liberal side, because they're supposed to. If we could throw these labels away, maybe people would actually think for themselves and not just lump together with what's supposed to happen.

i'll look on the bright side

I feel like my arm is an amnesia patient and I have to reteach it everything about its old life.

Random analogies define my life.

you're still probably workin' at a 9 to 5 pace

can't erase, can't replace it

I hate hate hate not being able to ride. It's been like two freaking months. I've been riding for 8ish years and have never been away from it for this long and I am going crazy. I mean I try not to think about it because that makes it worse. But this SUCKS. That's definitely going to be the worst part about college next year, I'm gonna miss my pony so dang much.

I'm trying to gather all my favorite photos of me and Freedom through the years. It's crazy how much we've both changed. Really wish I didn't have to sell him soon. That's something else I try not to think about.

so say what you wanna say

I hate when journals/sketchbooks get published. I've seen books that are "inside the sketchbooks of the best graffiti artists" or the "authentic, unedited journals" of a musician or something. They look really cool because they've always got that grungy, handwritten style. But journals and sketchbooks are not for publishing.. they're not to be show-offish or to be used as a model for someone else's journal/sketchbook. I hate published ones because I feel like people pick them up and say, "oh wow, look at how GOOD this is.." Sketchbooks are not supposed to be.. glorified. Publishing it defeats the whole purpose. A sketchbook is like an artist's brain puked onto paper. Not finished, sometimes not even started. When they get published, it makes other artists feel like theirs somehow isn't good enough. Or it makes it seem like a sketchbook has to be really good, every page.

but the party don't stop

Well it's been another crazy weekend, lovin' it.

I should be studying for finals.. I need to get at least a 68 on stats, which I feel like should be easy but I'm screwed if it's not. Especially because I've been sucking at stats lately. I'm so ready to be done with high school..

so make believe your secrets find the grave

if the lesson's never learned it's just like stitches for show

"What and how much had I lost by trying to do only what was expected of me instead of what I myself had wished to do? What a waste, What a senseless waste! But what of those things which you actually didn't like, not because you were supposed to not like them, not because to dislike them was considered a mark of refinement and education--but because you actually found them distasteful? The very idea annoyed me. How could you know? It involved a problem of choice. I would have to weigh many things carefully before deciding and there would be some things that would cause quite a bit of trouble, simply because I had never formed a personal attitude toward so much. I had accepted the accepted attitudes and it had made life seem simple..."

-invisible man

people subconsciously form opinions based on other peoples' opinions. and eventually everyone just thinks the same way.

fingerprints sold me out

and suddenly it's for real

Alright so. Housing apps for U of I come out January 15. Not that I have to have a solid decision by then, it's just got me thinking. And if I dooo decide to go there, it would be good to get that in so I don't get screwed over. So here's the thing. I know I would love it there. It's got pretty much everything I'm looking for. Big school campus feel. Really pretty campus. Sweet college town. Awesome graphic design AND photography. Far enough from home to get away but close enough to not be a big pain. Lots of stuff going on.

The con list. So many people from around here go there. Equestrian team sucks (but close enough that I could come home to ride occasionally). Surprise visits from my dad..? Hm. Well this con list is kinda pathetic.

Compared to other schools on my list.. I'm hesitant to say it's my favorite but, let's be honest, it kinda is. SCAD is awesome but far away.. all art.. city rather than campus-y. Montana? Sounds awesome in theory. Also far away, don't know how good their art is, parents won't even let me visit. Miami.. soo preppy and feels too much like the atmosphere of my high school only bigger. Plus it really doesn't have any strengths over U of I except the equestrian team thing.

So. I've never really officially said it. But yeah, I want to go to U of I. For real. It just kinda bugs me that that's just what everyone expects me to do. My brother literally said 4 years ago that he knew I was gonna go there. It just seems like a safe.. logical.. choice. And I just don't like that idea. Except I know I'll be happy there. Just because it makes sense doesn't mean it won't be crazy awesome.

I e-mailed someone from the art school about double majoring in graphics/photo. It's possible... with an average of 19 credit hours per semester. Frick. Doubt my parents would let me go 5 years to get it either. Doesn't make me want to go there any less though. And I don't apply for a specific art major until soph year so who knows, maybe I'll end up in photo after all.

Not looking forward to the cheesy reactions I'm gonna get when I tell my parents I'm officially gonna go there.

handcuffs and alibis

i think i think too much.

stand a little too tall, say a little too much

Putting yourself in the right frame of mind can make a lot of difference. Think positive, positive things will happen. Tell yourself it's not that bad, and things get a little better. But it only goes so far. You gotta draw the line somewhere. At some point you have to just accept what is.

don't wait, this night is almost over

I wish we lived in a world where people could just say what they really think without getting judged. Thinking about it now, really I just wish I always had the balls to speak my mind without worrying. I try to mostly. But sometimes I hold back. Afraid of the reaction. I mean come on, what's the worst that could happen?

The Invention of Lying is a really interesting movie. Everyone is always brutally honest. What if life was really like that?

my heart's givin' in to my eyes

Aaaand we're back. That was fun. Chalk it up to some more good memories.

;)

let the rhyme get stuck in your head

jasey rae
the brightest green
six feet under the stars
the general
best friends for never
heregoesnothin
weightless
bring me down
jersey
one week

never told a lie and that makes me a liar

Have not felt this way in a loooong time and lovin every second of it. Don't know, don't care where it's going. Not knowing is part of the fun. What I do know... clearly this is a sign that 2010 is gonna be awesome.